Words I Need to Say

10:38 am by Mallory

Today is my birthday, and through today I learned A LOT of things.

Although I learned most of them through my 16 years, I learned a lot new ones today!

I woke up to the most amazing, lovely blog post from my Mother! It was everything a 16 year old should hear from the most inspiring person in their lives. If I had to pick the most important lesson I’ve learned that I continue to learn every day it would have to be that my Mother is the most inspiring Woman in my life. And I don’t say that enough. I don’t say half the stuff she should hear enough. She’s my best friend. Without her, I’m lost. She’s the most amazing person I could’ve asked for. I wouldn’t be who I am without her. Without her trust in me. Without her belief in me. I wouldn’t be me.

Two years ago I was introduced to my “Step”, “Bonus”, whatever name you want to use, Mom. There’s a lot of things I could say about this woman… How she’s funny, and nice, and sweet, and inspiring, and pretty, and the best anyone could’ve asked for. I don’t think I’ve ever said this, and even if I had, I don’t say it enough, but I aspire to be who she is. She has made my life SO MUCH better. I could continue on for hours about her. She’s an amazing person. And anyone who thinks differently can come talk to me. {I got your back Mumsie ;)}

I think every little girl dreams of having a sister. I know I did. And two years ago, I got one. My ‘little’ sister, younger by a hundred and 11 days, is a VERY awesome young Lady! Although we fight a lot, and are completely different people, we are the best match for each other. We keep each other going. Without her, I wouldn’t be where I am. I wouldn’t be as strong as I am. I wouldn’t have the courage I do to be myself without her.

I think we all look back on our childhood and cringe at how annoying we were, and how bratty we used to be. I know I do. And when I look back I think of two people I probably annoyed the most and that would’ve been my two older Brothers. I think with every brother-sister relationship there’s always unnecessary roughness. And with me and my Brothers there definitely was. As the younger sibling, and the only girl, I tried to impress my Brothers a lot. But I can tell you, of all the impressions I made on my Brothers, I doubt many of them were good. But there are two ways you can deal with that feeling, the feeling of knowing the people you try to impress the most just find you annoying, you can let it destroy you and spend all your time trying to do what you think they like or think is cool, or, you can be you. There’s nothing more impressive.

I’ve found that it’s better to be respected than impressive.

Through everything mean they’ve ever done to me, it’s bettered me. I’m stronger for it. They ignored me a lot. Back then I hated them for it. But now, I’m so happy they did. It helped me learn how to entertain myself. Be independent. Not need anyone to tell me how to do everything. They treated me like a little sister, but they treated me right. I don’t get to say this enough but, of all the times I’ve screamed “I hate you!” At them, I love them to death. Thanks to them, I had the best childhood. I had someone I could depend on. I’ve learned from their mistakes.

I have a mile long list that I could go down of people who have molded me to become who I am, and believe me, if I could and people still read it, I would. But there’s just a couple more people that I have to make a few paragraphs about.

Two being my amazing Aunts. They’ve given me so much. More than I could’ve asked for. They’ve given me strength, courage, pride, hope, confidence, and love. They’ve supported me through everything, and continue to, to this day. What else can I say about these Women? They’re amazing. They’ve made me who I am for sure. Without them, I wouldn’t be half of who I am.

For as far back as my memories go, I remember being a Daddy’s girl. I remember watching TV curled up in his lap, I remember sitting in his office chair with his headset on pretending to be him, I remember the dates he used to take me on, I remember having conversations about how I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16. Or in his version 60. I’m his ‘Mini Me’, in more than the sense of looks. I’m his Baby Girl, Squirt, or Peanut. Whatever name he seems to think of that day. And yeah, I could say “I’m 16. I’m too old for all that.” But I think everyone’s in too much of a rush to grow up. And you’re never too old to be your Dad’s little girl. That don’t go away with age. Believe me. I’ve learned. 😉

Last but not least, my Grandma. Today was my first birthday that I’ve not had her around for. She and I were the best of friends. I lost her last year. Today, while we were having lunch I began to hear one of the songs we played at her funeral over the radio. After the song ended I could no longer hear the radio at all. To me, that was her saying hello. Letting me know she was there. I find myself doing things, or saying things that I picked up from her. Habits that I can’t seem to break. Habits I don’t want to break. I miss you Grandma. I love you and I know you’re here with me.

I could continue on about all the people listed above, but I have to get to sleep. I just wanna make sure that even though I don’t say it that often, I love each and every one of you more than you know. You’re the reason I am who I am.

Thank you.

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Weight For It…

9:15 pm by Mallory

Good afternoon!

Today, since it was a day off of work, I decided I’d talk about my weight story!

When I was a kid, weight was never a big deal. The subject of weight wasn’t even a thing I thought of until I was well into my tween years.

As a kid I was never still. I did karate and gymnastics and I loved to run around our huge backyard. But the older I got, the less activities I did and the more food I ate. By the time I was 9, I was chubby and I continued to add onto it.

Weight still wasn’t a big deal to me until one day I remember my brother and I weighed ourselves. He’s 3 years older than me and always has been stick-thin. I weighed probably 20 pounds more than he did and I was crushed. I was 12 when that happened and I remember thinking “He’s my OLDER brother, older means bigger.”. I soon found, that was not the case.

Instead of trying to cut out the unhealthy foods I was filling my body with, I acted like it didn’t matter. Even though every day I felt bad about the fact, I just kept getting bigger and bigger and was doing nothing to help myself.

By the time I was 14 I weighed almost 200 pounds. That was the worst I’d felt in a long time – finding out I weighed that much. But I still continued to eat nothing but horrible foods.

At the beginning of last year I went through a lot of stress. And through that stress I began to lose my appetite. Everyday I sat down to eat I felt sick to my stomach. This went on for a few weeks before it went away. But, in that time, I began losing weight.

I went back to eating horrible foods for every meal but I continued to lose the weight. Everyone around me was commenting on how good I looked, and some, how worried they were I was losing weight so fast. By the time I began to see the weight loss, I’d lost around 20 pounds. I hadn’t cut anything out of my diet. Nothing had changed. I lost all the weight through the few weeks I couldn’t eat and the stress I was going through.

Three months later I had lost a good 40 pounds putting me at the lowest weight I had been since I was 12 or younger. Of course, I was also going through puberty and had a growth spurt at this time which could account for some of the weight lost.

At the beginning of this year my Moms asked me if I’d like to work out at the gym that they had been going to (the gym I now work at) so obviously I said yes. And since then, I’ve lost 5 pounds and 7% body fat. Even though I lost the majority of my weight before joining the gym, I didn’t feel any better about my body until I began to work out.

Society will find some part of you to call out. Whether it be your weight, your appearance, or the way you choose to live your life. So whatever you choose to do to better your life, do it for you. Not the people around you. They only have a say if you let them.

I hope you all enjoyed this blog post!

See ya next time!

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Fears of Social Awkwardness

12:14 am by Mallory

Today, instead of talking about doing the same things over and over, I thought I’d talk about getting over my social awkwardness.

When I was younger, 8 or so, I was pretty social. I had lots of friends and was around a lot of people on a regular basis. But as I got older I strayed away from taking all the social opportunities I got. We moved from my hometown when I was 9 and I lost most of the friends I had, and when we moved I began to make friends just to have moved again.

By the time we moved for the second time I gave up on making friends. It seemed so unrealistic to be able to make friends, much less keep friends. Over time I grew to the point where every time the subject of ‘Meeting people’ or ‘Making friends’ came up I got mad. For a long time I thought it was because people were making fun of me for not having friends, or thought less of me for not being around as many people as most kids my age were. But over time I realized it wasn’t other people’s opinions that made me mad, it was mine. My stubbornness to not try and meet people, my opinions on how having friends would never last – that’s what made me mad. I was mad at myself for not taking the chances I was given for friendship due to my closed mind or my fear of losing them later on.

When I was 13 I had a friend, a good friend. We still sometimes talk. And through that friendship I learned that it was good to have friends. It wasn’t such a horrible thing I’d always made it up to be. It was fun to be able to relate to someone my age about my likes and dislikes.

I moved again last year and instead of trying to make loads of friends, I passed up almost any and all social advantages I was given. The past few months I’ve wanted to get a job and one of the main reasons I was reluctant was because of the social responsibilities it entailed. So when my Mom came up with the idea for me to work at the gym I was all for it despite the social parts that I feared.

I think that’s when you know you really want something. When you do it despite your fears.

The first few days of work I struggled to say a “Good morning,” or a “How are you?” but now it’s become such a normal thing. A big part of what made it easy was the fact I genuinely do care if the people at that gym had good mornings or if they were doing good.

I hope you all enjoyed this blog post! Talk to you next time!

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Day Three at the Job!

7:44 pm by Mallory

I woke up at 6:00 again and I wasn’t nearly as tired as I was the previous day. I had got 10 hours of sleep that night and was so well rested!

 

I went in to work at 7:00 and right away I began to clean the equipment with a rag and bleach. I re-organized the weights again, they usually are in disarray by the end of the day so I made sure they were in order. After we write down the exercises on the board I make sure I understand what they all are before anyone shows up.

 

At this point most everybody knew who I was and knew I was there to help, so, for the most part, they just asked what they needed to do. As the day went on more and more people showed up.

 

By the afternoon shift I’m a lot more rested and a lot more people show up so I’m a lot busier at that time. I clean the equipment again because by this time it’s a lot hotter and people are sweating so everything needs to be cleaned for a second time.

 

Usually people start coming in around 4:30-5:00 so I’m pretty busy from then on until I leave.

 

Day three was a pretty normal day, but of course as fun as ever!

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Second Day at the Job!

6:37 pm by Mallory

(I forgot to write this last night so I’m writing it now.)

 

I woke up at 6:00 AM again. I was more tired than I was the previous day and I was extremely sore.

 

I got there at 7:00 again. As soon as I got there I was given the option to vacuum or wipe down the equipment with a rag and bleach. I chose to wipe everything down. So, he began to vacuum and I began to clean.

 

After cleaning and no one had shown up I noticed the weights on the bench were completely unorganized. I took a few minutes and lined them up. Later in the day a lot of people appreciated that.

 

Most of the exercises were pretty self explanatory, like squats or toe touches. Not many people asked for help on what to do, but when they did I tried my best to be right there to help them.

 

After my lunch break, I came back to work and I cleaned the equipment again. Since it was just me and my boss, I asked if there was anything I could do. He told me I could clean the bases of the machines, which is where the dust collects the most.

 

People started pouring in at around 5:00 PM. I stayed out of the way most of the day sitting in a corner and waited for people to ask for help. I found if you want people to ask for help you need to be approachable. People don’t want to feel like they’re bothering you to ask for help.

 

That was pretty much my whole day.

 

I hurt all over all day. But you just gotta work through it. I’m very happy with this job and it’s very fun!

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First day at the job!

7:15 pm by Mallory

Today I started my first job ever!

To to give a little back story, I’ve been working out at a gym for about 5 months now… And I love it! Working out has become my favorite thing to do! I find it a great way to get rid of stress and just to feel better about myself.

As of late I’ve been wanting to get a job, and it’s important to me to live by the quote “Do what you love, and love what you do.” And I discovered I love to workout more than any other job I could really think of!

Since I’m homeschooled I’ve not gotten all the opportunities some kids have to get out of the house and meet people. So loving to workout as much as I do, and the fact that our trainer at the gym let’s college students intern there, my Mom and I talked about it and decided that would be the coolest job for me to do. So she asked our personal trainer if I could intern there at his gym and he said yes!

I went in at 7:00 A.M and I was, of course, nervous about my first day. The first thing I was told to do was to clean the equipment with a rag and bleach, I don’t mind cleaning, I actually find it fun so I didn’t mind that!

Then I was told to write down all the workouts we were going to do that day on a board for everyone to see when they came into the gym.

Some of these workouts I knew from months of doing them, and some I didn’t know. So I asked what they were and tried my best remember. I made lots of notes in my phone so I wouldn’t forget, best trick of the day–Make notes.

I’m not the most social person, but I knew that working at a gym there is going to be a lot of social interacting. So when the first person walked in it took me awhile to get the confidence to actually say “Hi, I’m Mallory. I’m a new intern here.” But after the first few times I got comfortable with it. And also helping people learn what exercise is what is sometimes confidence driven, too. I didn’t think it would be, but after the first time it became a normal thing. After people see you help one person they adapt to asking you.

You have to build confidence like you build muscle… by working with it.

After a days work I’m super happy to be working where I am! It’s a fun place to be, and that’s important. I’m glad I am where I am.

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